Artist: Hannah Berry; Lions and Rabbits
"You are brave. Whether or not you feel it, acknowledge it or think it, we are brave. Your body and mind are navigating a stress and trauma we know nothing about."
Your routine is gone, you likely can count the places you have been in 2 weeks on one hand, and your walls may be closing in on you as you face a new reality. Maybe working from home is normal. You are finally getting projects done you’ve had on your mind since last spring or you are enjoying your quarantine life. Regardless if this is “normal” a pandemic is not.
But, you are brave.
You are brave for staying home and supported in navigating this at your pace. I recognize that COVID is effecting everyone differently and your life may not look like what I am describing in this post. What I hope to portray here is that showing love and kindness at this time is most important; starting with yourself.
It is okay that your new time isn’t spent developing the next big thing or learning a new language. It’s ok that adjusting to remote work is hard. It's okay that you fear the loss of your job or your future if you have been laid off. It's okay you're afraid of the virus and worried for family members and friends, or any one being directly effected by this.
Just because you see others posting about productivity, running their best PR ever, accepting jobs while you have lost yours, writing a book and learning new things does not mean that is what's right for you. Let them be an inspiration, but never let their success or productivity, make your time, or your life feel less important.
Remember, comparison is the thief of joy.
Let me ask you this; Are you more tired than normal? Mentally exhausted? Avoiding the reality we face on the other end of this pandemic? Eating more? Drinking more? Enjoying your couch and trips to the kitchen more? Are you afraid? Do you miss your family and friends?
You are not alone.
Doing “nothing” is out of my norm. Being in my house with the same humans for more than a few hours is certainly out of my norm. About 7 months ago I lost a lot of my financial and social freedom (More on that here), but I kept my chin up knowing what I was hustling for. I didn’t see an official end to the hustle or non-stop routine I had implemented, but I knew I had a long way to go before I would earn some free time back.
To put it lightly, I fully embraced the recent time I had been given to slow down, but I felt guilty for it.
When I first learned my work was closing its doors with pay I immediately felt a sense of relief, but so much guilt. I was scared about what the virus was capable of, but felt I had to work to earn my pay. I was so grateful I worked for a company who cared about our safety over making money so I graciously accepted this, but feared what I would do with this new free time I was not used to.
The same day I found out we were closing I was offered a full-time job with a different company. I was asked to start right away all while training remotely. Of course this is what I wanted, a full time career in my field that had been working my ass off for to earn, but I felt so much conflict.
Why were things working out in my favor so greatly while so much pain and suffering was taking place? I wanted to celebrate, but not at the expense of others hurting.
Can I handle what life will be like on the other side of this?
Sculpture: Downtown Grand Rapids
I started making plans right away because with unknowns I tend to plan and prepare like a crazy person. Despite the fact that I view time as infinite these days I felt this specific time was not. It is so unknown that maybe time isn’t actually infinite? How often are we asked to stay home to stay safe and keep others safe? With so much hurting and pain though, I felt helpless.
"I felt that because things were going so well for me when it was going to shit for others I had to rush and do all these things to be this super amazing human."
All of these "things" or ideas had to be completed and discovered before life went back to the hustle. Sure time may or may not be infinite, regardless of a pandemic, freak accident, or things that are out of our control, but COVID-19 will not change my perspective on how I show up for you and myself every single day. Rushing any project or decision because time is running out is not how I do life, even during a crisis. I will not turn my back on my integrity now.
Artist: Kyle DeGroff; DeGroff Design
Shifting Mindset
The pressure I put on myself to be this superhuman before we all go back to "normal" stopped immediately. We will never go back to normal, we will never be the same after this. This does not mean I am giving up, this means I am checking in. It felt wrong to not be busy doing something great for others or myself with this gift of time, but nothing great comes out of rushing our goals or dreams. Micro steps create results and this pandemic does not change that theory for me.
When I reflected on the first week of quarantine I started to get anxious. I didn’t do anything extraordinary nor did I have any plans to. I told myself in week two I'll be better, give yourself that and get back to the grind. Wrong. This pandemic is far out of my control and so here I wave my white flag on how I define productivity, learning, and staying busy. I have plenty of time to be busy in this life.
"There is no more masterplan to have something epic on the other end of this. I have pressed pause on some things to allow myself the time to fully take in what is happening and stay connected to what matters most."
Making sure my family and friends are safe, supported, and well is number 1. Expressing daily gratitude for my jobs and putting in all my effort for them when I am asked is number 2. Acknowledging the humans risking their lives for others is number 3.
I am enjoying the extra time I get for myself and with my amazing roomies Adam and Rachel. I have been binge watching Tiger King, Jersey Shore and American Idol (for those that know me, I never watch tv so this is comical). We do puzzles or dance to crazy music in the kitchen while making delicious plant based meals. And yes, I know you are dying to hear that I am still a crazy runner staying very active. If anyone wants to talk about this I will always geek out and make time.
Choose to be Brave
Right now we have the choice; to be afraid and let fear take over to make rash decisions (overbuying TP) or be brave and accept what is happening at the capacity we are able (Share TP and Love)
Give support and love to those in need. Not everyone has someone to lean on right now. Isolation can be difficult. I have human interactions, yet I ugly cried the other day when I realized I couldn’t go home to see my family for Easter or maybe even Mothers Day. There are far worse things that can happen though if we don't stay brave and safe.
I shamed myself during week one for not using this time to create something amazing. Then my coaches (yep, bless them) asked me how I could show up as a leader during this time and I checked myself. This is my time to be brave, vulnerable, practice my values that spark positivity for others, and most importantly stay healthy and safe.
Zoom Happy Hour with my besties! A tool I use about 100 times a week right now. 10/10 recommend.
Take this day by day, move slow, and stay connected friends. I am offering to anyone who wants to jump on a call my support. Please reach out any time.
Fun Fact: The photos in this post are some I took around the city highlighting a few of my friends beautiful art that makes me smile. I really enjoy taking photos while out running around wherever I go. I don't usually have enough time to stop and take photos while running because I am rushing from one thing to the next, so part of this time is dedicated to exploring new running routes and taking photos that I think will bring you all joy!